“Have you ever won an argument by talking louder?”
No? Me neither.
I’m Jody Urquhart, a motivational speaker on human-centered leadership, and I’ve seen time and time again that the most persuasive people don’t win by overpowering others—they win by understanding them.
Yet, when we think of negotiation, we often picture a battle of words—whoever talks the most and the loudest wins. But research from Harvard’s Program on Negotiation shows that true influence doesn’t come from force. It comes from asking better questions, listening more than you speak, and guiding the conversation with presence and purpose.
Great leaders don’t control conversations. They create space for them.
So how do you steer a conversation without raising your voice?
1. Lead with Curiosity, Not Control
Instead of defending your position, get curious. Ask:
• “What’s most important to you here?”
• “How do you see this playing out?”
• “What would make this a win for both of us?”
Human-centered leaders know that questions open doors that arguments slam shut. And the person asking the questions? They’re the one guiding the conversation.
Why? Because questions shift the focus. Instead of two people trying to “win,” the conversation becomes about finding a solution together. It’s not about proving who’s right—it’s about discovering what’s possible.
2. Human- Centered Leadership Acknowledge, Don’t Argue
People don’t just want to be right—they want to be heard. And when they don’t feel heard, they dig in their heels. That’s why acknowledging emotions is more powerful than arguing facts.
Instead of pushing back, recognize their perspective:
• “I can see this really matters to you.”
• “It sounds like you’re frustrated by this situation.”
Validation isn’t the same as agreement. You don’t have to agree with someone to acknowledge their feelings. But when people feel heard, they become less defensive—making it easier to find common ground.
3. Empathic Leaders Reframe the Issue to Find Common Ground
Ever notice how some conversations feel stuck? Like no matter what you say, the other person refuses to budge? That’s because we often get locked into either-or thinking—where it’s my way or your way, and nothing in between.
But great leaders know how to reframe the issue to create new possibilities:
• Instead of “We can’t do that,” say “Here’s what we can do.”
• Instead of “You don’t understand,” say “Let’s look at it from this angle.”
Reframing shifts the conversation away from blame and toward collaboration. It’s about expanding the conversation rather than shutting it down.
4. Corporate Speaker: Use Silence to Lead with Presence
Silence isn’t weakness. It’s power.
Most people feel uncomfortable with silence, so they rush to fill it. But the best negotiators—and the best leaders—know how to use silence strategically.
When in doubt, pause. Let the other person process their thoughts. That space often leads to honest insights and unexpected solutions. It also gives you time to think before you respond—so you can guide the conversation with intention rather than reacting emotionally.
The Power of Human-Centered Leadership
At its core, human-centered leadership is about connection. It’s about guiding conversations with curiosity, empathy, and presence—rather than force, defensiveness, or frustration.
So, the next time you’re in a difficult conversation, don’t push harder—guide smarter. Because great negotiators, like great leaders, aren’t the ones speaking the loudest. They’re the ones listening the best.
